Friday, August 15, 2014

Nailed it
There were supposed to be flash floods today so we weren't thinking that it was going to be a day of outings, but as the Colorado weather changes really quickly and is completely unpredictable - not one correct weather forecast since we arrived, it turned out to be a clear skied scorcher. Meagan scored us (girls) simultaneous appointments at the Yampah Spa & Salon which is a really lovely place, even though Meagan calls it the "ghetto spa" and her mother-in-law was super unimpressed with it.

It seems that before the 1860s, the Ute Indians appreciated the natural vapor caves; and today, so did we. After we put towels over our bikinis, we headed down the steep staircase to the caves. We got one all to ourselves as another group was leaving. Just as we settled in, a Fred Flintstone looking gentleman popped his head in and took a look at us and crowed, "Sahweet." He came back five minutes later with a nice tub of cold water for us. Then he came back to see if one of us was his wife because he couldn't see at all down there in the dark. Meagan assured him she was not his wife.

 Then we went back to the Solarium to sit on the lounge chairs and drink many dixie cups of water while we waited our turn for our sugar body scrubs. Meagan made sure that T had a female scrubber, but the lady that scrubbed T turned out not to speak any English. Once the lady heard that T had studied some Spanish she spoke mostly in Spanish. My scrubber was very friendly and talented. She didn't seem interested in conversation at first so I was surprised when she suddenly got quite chatty with me. I always feel like I have to chat when I get a massage or something because I feel guilty about shutting up and enjoying it. I'm that weird individual who needs to know how they feel about their jobs and what they feel are their true hopes and dreams. I felt we bonded and was a little taken aback when she left me abruptly at the shower room with not so much as a second glance. After the dry Colorado air, having the lovely oils soak into your skin is heavenly.

Anyway, back to T. The only directions that her scrubber Maria gave her were that it was time to wash so she assumed that she was to get into one of the jet tubs in her room. As she recounts it, "It was wonderful." That is, until a little voice in her head brought her back to the realization that Meagan had told us that we would be showering off afterwards not bathing. She quickly hopped out of the tub and into her robe before Maria came to escort her to the showers. The first thing she asked me when I found her was, "There are no hidden cameras here, right?"

Finally it was time for our massages. One of the staff told us that Meagan had gone missing. It turned out that she had the same scrubber as her masseuse. Next it was my name that was called. I had a masseuse that was built like a real football player. Since it was a male masseuse and a really shy kid who couldn't even make eye contact with me when he shook my hand in the reception area, I thought I would keep my bikini top on. He told me to get under the towel and that he would come back. When he came back, I thought to tell him about a little problem I'm having with my jaw, but the sound of my voice scared the crap out of him and he dashed off. I looked around to find that I was talking to an empty room. Then he came back and asked if I could remove my top. It was so slippery from the sugary oils that it slid onto the floor and he had to pick it up for me. I hate soft, light massages so I told him that I liked a good amount of pressure, but he put his back into it and a few times I was afraid he would snap me like a twig. I know he was working hard because he was a mouth breather. But I came out in one piece. Oddly, he never had me turn over so the back of my neck is completely relaxed and the front is tight as a violin cord. But all in all, it was awesome.

I can't end this story without telling you that I saw an amish woman's boobies in the locker room. A whole group of really uncomfortable looking individuals in bonnets came in. I waited to see if the one particularly American Gothic looking woman was going to get undressed before I did, and she did. So I did. The spa gave the whole group modest looking medical scrubs to change into, which was very considerate of them. I hope that they didn't make any of our amateurish mistakes like over-chatting and tub bombing and I really hope they don't have hidden cameras.

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