Sunday, June 29, 2014

The skin I'm In
So far this is what I've tried to do to clear up my cystic acne which when I was younger made me miss out on many a fun party, date, rainstorm, and kiss:

I have tried ANTIBIOTICS, DIFFERIN, VITAMIN A (I'M ALLERGIC TO IT, AS IT TURNS OUT), ACCUTANE (IT WAS THE WORST YEAR OF MY LIFE AND THEN AFTER A FEW YEARS THE ACNE RETURNED), LASER TREATMENTS (LEFT ME WITH SOME HYPERPIGMENTATION), TEA TREE OIL, APPLE CIDER VINEGAR, THYME OIL, BENZOL PEROXIDE, SALICYLIC ACID (THE HOME PEEL SCARRED ME), BIRTH CONTROL PILLS (AFTER 20 YEARS SOMEONE SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME I WOULD BE PUTTING MY ADRENAL SYSTEM AT RISK), PEELS FROM DERMATOLOGISTS THAT SENT ME HOME IN TAXIS WITH MY FACE WRAPPED IN SCARVES, FACIALS, MASKS, AND EVERY LOTION AND POTION EVER, PLUS SAW PALMETTO and I'm sure I'm forgetting a few horrible phases inbetween.



Then as you know the other day I discovered that I had hyperpigmentation on my gums.

(I forgot to tell you the part where my dear, dear student Micol kept me company for hours at the family doctor's office so that I could get a prescription for my blood test. We had our English lesson there and then when the hour was up we checked with my peeps at the pharmacy to see if I had understood the schedule correctly. It turned out that they were an hour off and then that the doctor got held up in traffic. He is very sweet, although he looks to be in terrible health himself. He looks more like Santa Claus/Babbo Natale every time I see him and this time his belly button was peeking out between a gap in his shirt. Anyway, Micol kept me calm and we got the magic ticket.)

We woke up at the crack of dawn and went to the hospital in order to get me the blood tests. When we got there a dozen people were already on line in front of us. The lady at the reception desk who I remember seeing four years ago there and who looks like a crazy flamingo of some kind with her plume like hair, beak like nose, and bulging eyes told me that I was slated for riposo/rest which led me to believe that they were going to take so much blood that they were afraid I would faint afterwards. I filled out the modulo/form and the nice (!) lady at the window told me to go pay and then come back to her. F and I went to the bank/slot machine looking computerized pay centers to try to pay, but it was a time sensitive operation and we had about eight goes at that scary robot before we were able to make a payment successfully. At one point instead of paying 76 euro we were about to pay 7,776 euro and the other times the operation timed out before we could make out the directions in Italian. The line behind us was getting antsy so in order to make the people laugh, when the machine finally spit out the long tongue like paper receipt that is called a scontrino, I grabbed it and jumped up and down shouting, "I won, I won/ Ho vinto, Ho vinto!" One lady had to chuckle.

Then we went to the waiting area where a bunch of people who weren't allowed to eat that morning were grimly playing Italian Bingo, that is, waiting for their ticket numbers to be called on the overhead television screens. A cute girl next to me asked her boyrfriend playfully if she should worry because all of the tickets being called started with the letter C and hers started with the letter P. I told her not to worry because mine started with the letter O, but she told me that I was in the wrong place. The Riposo ticket people had to go to lie down in the lie down room for twenty minutes before anyone would take your blood. GOOD TO KNOW. So I laid down and the lady next to me said she would check the time if she were me because the nurse was a bit disorganized. As soon as I lay down, my head started to spin. Only the hilarity of the situation of the four of us reclining ladies waiting for this crazy nurse of a certain age and her Marilyn Monroe hair style helped me get through it. Luckily Marilyn was enamored of New York and when I complimented her on her quick vein finding abilities she all but turned pink with pleasure. My roommates enjoyed our banter and everyone said arrivederci to me like they meant it. Now I have to wait two weeks to find out if I'm in hormonal purgatory or not. Meanwhile my face is looking ever more pizza like.

I bought these new bandaids from Asia that suck the gross stuff out of the acne for you so you don't have to pop your pimples. You've got to laugh, if you don't want to cry.


Tracy, from the Love Vitamin blog, you better be right about this estroblock sh*t, honey . . . .

These cute twins have a health blog and have acne spotted pasts. Hang in there, twinnies.
Meanwhile we spent more money on ebay Italy for what is supposed to be a more effective brand of the supplement DIM which is called Estroblock and has been the winning move for lots of women in my shoes. Fingers crossed.


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