Monday, May 05, 2014

AMICI, sesta serale: Everyone against Debora. (It's the fancy gym all over again.)

It's time once again for my analysis of my favorite Italian talent competition. We're starting off palle to the wall this week with Debora and Giada the two main singers having a sing-off of the huge Beyonce song Listen. Nicely stated, Debora ate Giada for pranzo. Nevertheless, jury member Sabrina Ferilli gave the point to Giada. Luca Argentero and Gabry Ponte gave compliments to both, but the points went to Giada. I just don't get it. I hate to say it, but I have to wonder if Debora's Sicilian origins are counting against her in this context.

Next Vincenzo and his partner Giovanna did a romantic number that left me cold. They were squared against Nick singing Sorry seems to be the hardest word, which I would be hard pressed to want to hear anybody sing ever. But Nick is cute. Vincenzo is also cute. But once you get to know them, Nick is cuter so he won.

The Judge of the evening Biagio Antonacci was introduced and Moreno wasted no time sending Debora out once more to sing and scat the number Dejavu with a full orchestra and back up singers. Miguel Bose the other coach, put up the entire blue team singing and dancing in a giant production number of the Pink song Try and try. Sabrina, who forgot to eat  again this week, voted blue. Poor Debora!
Biagio Antonacci, frequenter of nearby Elba, loved most by my friend Anna Maria la polizziotta.
Sing it, Debora!

Blue team group number.
Brace yourselves. Next is coming the onslaught of plastic surgery in Italy in the '80s, poor dears. The white team and blue team singers were paired up with special guest stars by the name of Ornella Vanon and Loredana Berte. Aging gracefully is nothing to be ashamed of, but this was a cringe worthy, anesthesia-fueled battle against time. I believe Biagio when he said that they are two gifts to the culture of Italian music. I just feel badly that some bastard shrink wrapped them.

AT one point during the song, Ornella batted Debora's hand with her microphone, reprimanding her for something.

IF this looks awkward, it's because it WAS.
I preferred the more soaring voice of Ornella and the white team to the kind of scratchy crooning of Loredana and the blue team.Then Ornella just came out with the most spiteful unwarranted comment of all time that we have to assume is born from an old grudge, saying that Loredana sang over the children instead of cutting her own piece short to let them shine. What??!! If she had a huge earring, she would have been tearing them out at that point to get ready for the ghetto style girl fight that was surely going to go down backstage immediately afterwards. Loredana came back saying that the piece called for her to sing over Giada. Ornella twirled her white skirt and started singing some free style opera while Loredana joined hands with Maria di Filippi and started croaking out some rap. It was sooo funny! Maria had to remind the public that the ladies weren't personally in competition, but the kids. Loredana took the high road in front of the public, I hope she didn't back down just because she intends to have Ornella's kneecaps broken by others later. Nevertheless, white team brought home the point.

Sabrina seemed distracted the whole time. To be fair, she may have been thinking about calling it off with her plastic surgeon.
I would be remiss not to point out that during the blue team's dance number to the REM song Losing my religion, one dancer had his head shaved as military commands were shouted out over the opening of the song in English. No, I'm not making this up. Look!

Biagio loved Christian's dancing.

This guy got shaved bald during the routine.
Poor Paolo had to sing against that and he managed to get the point. Nevertheless, the blue team won the first half of the competition and they voted to put Vincenzo and Paolo up for elimination. Moreno had to make the call as to who had to wait in the wings for the final vote and he chose to save Vincenzo who had the possibility to win 50,000 euro as the best dancer against Christian.

During the comic intermission Geppi Cucciari challenged Maria di Filippi to a game of fuzball for no apparent reason or purpose.
Round two began with another spectacular dance number starring Christian.
Moreno let Debora have another go at it. This time she sang a song about sitting down and listening to a line of dancers in chairs.
She is singing to one dancer in particular and the others shadow his movements. And one points she sings the lyric that says undress yourself and they all strip their shirts off alla Magic Mike. Sabrina had a hot flash.

Gabry Ponte dare to tell Debora that she sings soul with a surprising voice for a white person, but that she doesn't succeed in the world of Italian pop. Someone stop the mobbing, vi prego. Biagio came to her rescue. Sabrina, after cooling off the best she could, tried to claim credit for Debora's gift by saying that their critiques had brought it out of her. Luca Argentero hopped on the Biagio train and Debora finally got a point for her team and her self confidence. Miguel responded with a solo by Giada singing Di piu'.

Sabrina responded saying she would like to have a daughter like Giada. Giada wins? Yes, Giada wins. Even against a romantic latin dance number starring Vincenzo with a guest dancer.

Moreno has to send up someone for his most decisive point of the evening. So he sends up Debora. This time singing an Italian pop ballad with guest star Nek. Clearly Moreno hopes that he can make Gabry Ponte eat his words.
In response, Miguel sends the band Dear Jack to the stage led by Alessio to sing U2's I still haven't found what I'm looking for. They are greatly aided by an awesome gospel choir and a dance team of steppers.
And guess what? Luca gives his vote to Debora. Miguel then berates him publicly, saying that he has a "complicated brain."
Moreno sends up Vincenzo to enact a story of tormentuous love. Gabry said he found it boring. Moreno said he must have been watching a different dance. I thought it was one of their better numbers, but Gabry finds the whole genre boring so it seems that he is an authority on dance, as well as hair products.

"per tutta la vita, Giada."
Then Giada gets to sing with Antonello Venditti and the crowd goes wild. You have to admit that older Italian men get off easy compared to the show biz women with just a toxic level of tanning bed time and some black hair polish. Giada gave me "goosies," as J-Lo would say. She beat Vincenzo handily.

Vincenzo and Cristiano has one more battle dancer against dancer. Christian remains my favorite, even if sometimes he is a little too rag doll for my taste; he is still charming as all get out. Vincenzo got Luca Argentero's vote. Sabrina gave Christian her vote, and Gabry threw out a compliment for Vincenzo and a vote for Christian which gave the blue team another win in the second half of the show.

This was Debora's reaction. Poverina!
However, we can't feel too bad for her because she survived to see another round after being saved by Moreno. Vincenzo danced with Giovanna. If he were to be voted off Christian would win the cash prize. They did a Saturday Night Fever kind of number. Paolo sang If you think I'm Sexy in such garbled English it seemed that it was being sung by Inspector Clouseau from the Pink Panther movies. Paolo forgot all of his notes on not overacting and the effect was super karaoke.

 Between Paolo and Vincenzo, the professors voted to save Vincenzo and Paolo had to say addio.Vincenzo had a moment of super poor sportsmanship in which he leaped into the air with his fist held high in victory, but then he hugged Paolo on the way down and when he saw Paolo had to leave the stage, he started crying, which was sweet. Maria had to remind everybody that it is just a talent show and there can be only one winner. Not Debora. Just kidding. I'm still rooting for you.

The show ended with Biagio Antonacci giving Paolo a really nice pep talk about leaving with his head held high and how he was told early on in his career to go back to being a geometra. So sweet.

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