Sunday, April 13, 2014

AMICI parte 3, the Hunks
For my Italian friends let me say right off that a hunk is what girls like me who grew up in the 70's watching Happy Days can, in moments of weakness, use to describe a man who is super figo bel pezzo d'uomo. The third part of the 13th series of Amici was judged by none other than Gabriel Garko. I had no idea who he was either. Apparently he has starred in some popular television miniseries. But he looks like this:

from the back
from the front
Judge Sabrina Ferilli responded to the news that he was about to walk out on the stage by compulsively sucking on her pen.  

The latin music comes on and he raises one shoulder. You can hear a pin drop.

 He takes a pose.
 Then Garko goes to pick up a tuxedo jacket with a shirt built into it.

"What's this? Oh am I half naked?"
"I make velcro look good, don't I?"
Sabrina actually started to drool and almost destroyed the pen.
A female dancer enters the mix. The young Vincenzo who is the latin dance contestant on the show should take notes from Gabriel on how to look at your partner. Vincenzo never looks at his partner Giovanna in the eyes, even though she is his girlfriend in real life, and this costs him big time.

Sorry did I say one? Make that three female dancers surround GG.
The singer on the blue team (Giada) and the dancer on the white team (Federica) both needed to be fanned by their teammates to keep them from fainting. It was funny. Then Gabriel Garko went and kissed Sabrina in a way that seemed to say long time, no see. She was so discombobulated that she almost forgot to take the pen out of her mouth. Maria Di Fillipi asked Giada to comment and all she could say, which needs no translation was, "Complimenti  . . . alla mamma." Then Di Fillipi asked Federica to comment and she said that she had followed him (I think she meant his career) her whole life from home and it was weird to be just a few meters from him without being able to reach him. Gabriel got up out of his chair and went to kiss her. She turned a color so beyond blushing that it was a mix of red and purple. The poor thing had to do the double kiss while wearing her head set microphone. Such is life, girlfriend.

Right before Gabriel Garko came on there was a dance off between the breakdancing squad of Knef and a dance group featuring the amazing character dancer named Cristian. The song Cristian and the other two danced to was Let's Have a Kiki and he wore mile high stilettos.

Check out the heels/trampoli!
To me the judges Luca Argentero and Gabry Ponte's reactions showed varying degrees of homophobia just due to the fact that the very masculine dancer was wearing heels and dancing in a purposefully feminine way. Luca's vote went to the breakdancers even though they committed an error on one of the tricks. Luca Argentero for me gets less cute every time he opens his mouth. Be quiet, Luca.

To give you an idea of how grossly unfair this show is. Moreno the rapper who won last year's show and is now the captain of the white team put up Paolo who is an adorable puppy of a singer. He is the kind of sweet boy who needs very badly to appear in RENT on Broadway. They had him do a kind of Jim Morrisonesque rendition of These Boots are Made for Walking. It was very spirited and sweet.

The evil mastermind Michel Bose' then put up an ensemble dance of Pinocchio with an entire circus scene including fire eaters and trapeze artists that had lifesize sets and a nose that grows on Pinocchio. It was sad. These was no contest. Christian, flanked by classical dancer Oscar, killed it.

The hillarious part was when Maria Di Fillipi asked GG to comment, reminding him that his vote doesn't count at this juncture. May I make a joke, he asks. Sure, says Maria. Then, in imitation of De Niro's refusal to take sides last week, he says, completely dead pan: "Both Terriffic." Except he pronounces it: terreeefeeek.

oh GG, you slay me.
In the contest between the deep voiced Nick and a choir singing Amazing Grace versus the group dance of the white team minus Federica, who injured her neck during rehearsal, Luca Argentero voted for the chorus a reminder from Bose' that the Vatican is only around the corner from the theater.

Then comic Giorgio Panariello made some horribly misogynist jokes that make me almost like Luca Argentero again.

Just to keep us guessing the second match, Cristiano dances a sexy number with a girl in night club setting. He is ultra masculine, but behind him the song is provided by a drag queen singing in Spanish. GG said it was meraviglioso. Debora responds with Proud Mary backed by a choir. Even Grazia Di Michele the professor who has given her so much crap about her "physicality," and who no doubt has been watching her on the cameras stuggle all week with her diet and mandated sessions on the treadmill/tapis roulant, has to smile at her Tina Turner dance moves.

Continuing with gender warfare, Lorenzo had to take the injured Federica's place in the GaGa number with the feather boa necklace and the MTV worthy dance in the enormous birdcage. She was crying with frustration, poor thing, the whole time. The band Dear Jack won due to Luca Argentero who followed the logic that he would have preferred to see Federica in the cage. If women ever end up earning the same amount as men, I fear that with this type of media acceptance of total bullshit, in Italy we will be the very last to get there.

Nevertheless, romance wins out at Alessandra Amarosa's duet with Nick beats Francesco Renza's duet with puppy dog Paolo. Next up was Christian's astoundingly beautiful dance using real clay sculptures in which he dances over a sculpture of female figure and then a real ballerina dances with him in the wet clay until she too takes the shape of his lifeless fantasy. Lorenzo then did a group dance using a prop that served as a bunker which recalled the film Life is Beautiful. The brother and sister duo of choreographers Veronica and Giuliano Peparini really are world class, even if sometimes it goes over the head of the judges. At the end, the injured Federica who was saved once at the midpoint of the show, doesn't survive the cut and is sent home. It is like watching someone step on a kitten.

No comments: