Wednesday, December 04, 2013

Me & my big mouth
When we first moved here, I sometimes was at a loss for what to say when we had people over to dinner and no one else was speaking. A theme emerged over time that a bunch of my friends and acquaintances had a really hard time meeting single men here. Italy, and Lucca in particular, seems to have a reputation for men who after the age of 30 continue to seek out young women and who don't want to be in a committed relationship with women their own age. Intelligent, mature women don't want to hang out in clubs all night, if they are not in the mood to do so, just to watch older men try to pick up younger women and hope that they are going to meet the ONE. Plus everyone I know works a gazillion hours a week and is too tired and too busy to meet someone for a serious relationship to develop. After hearing a bunch of these very disturbing tales, I remembered that my friend Sherry from Park Slope this one time had mentioned that she and her husband had solved the problem by inviting their single friends to meet each other during a roof top party. It was less awkward than a blind date and fun for them to get all of their friends together for a relaxed evening of mingling. I have been hammering the idea like an aging fight promoter from Rocky 10, the sequel. I hate not being able to solve problems for people and I hate hearing that these beautiful, intelligent women are lonely because it makes no sense. I made it seem like every married couple in NY throws singles parties for their single friends practically every weekend when in reality, to my knowledge, it has only happened once. Thanks, Sherry.

Here's the problem. Last time I tried to set up a friend on a blind date she did not talk to me afterwards for about four months. This same friend, all of the sudden, out of nowhere, now wants me to make good on all of my talk about a singles party. All five of the single friends I was counting on to show up to the party all have hooked up  sometime in the last six weeks and are no longer available. This left me with the friend-I-can't-say-no-to and Elena's husband Angleo's two divorced male friends that they went to University with and whom I have never met. Even Renata, the widowed pizza shop owner managed to find a man two days after our friend Eleanor (the writer and producer of Dirty Dancing) told her in some gorgeously filmatic way that life is short. Nevertheless, Renata agreed to try to help us get a table, although if the place is filled on a Saturday night there is not much she can do about it. . .

Enter my friend Karin. She had showed me a picture of a rather handsome, from what I could tell from the blurry cell phone photo, man who repairs her vacuum. He was screwed over by his ex who was cheating on him and is a serious man who is looking for a committed relationship with someone whose flavor of the month is extremely faithful. Then she asked me if she could bring her Bavarian ice cream man. I have nothing against Bavarian ice cream men, but that would throw our single man to woman ratio completely off as so far I have secured only two single women. Where did you people GO? Karin's vacuum repairman is getting cold feet and her single female friends like younger men (because they are younger) or have their hearts on a shelf and don't feel like diving in to the pizza from hell.

My friend Elena has written me about a dozen emails reiterating to me that, despite my protests, she is not going to come to the pizza night because her husband's friends will feel too shy to flirt if she is there. On this same night my original blind date fiasco friend has invited the missing member of Sex and the City, part 1 to come into town and hang out with us even though she is very much in a committed relationship. That leaves me and F. F is coming just to look like tall proof that I am not available. Angleo and his two friends. If either of them cancels because they have so much as a sniffle, I will have to hunt them down and bring them by force at this point. Again, I have no idea if they are either handsome and or super charming and can only vouch for the fact that Angelo is both.

In total we have the friend that I can't say No to, her friend who is, thank God, single, and these two single men. I have a shy vacuum repair man who will only come if Karin, who is married, comes too and a Bavarian ice cream man who is just waiting on ice until I can figure out what the final plan is going to be. The only other two single women I know, unfortunately, have a history of stalking people and so I would feel a bit guilty inviting them unless my back is against the wall.

 Yeah, Lucy I don't now how Ethel talked us into this one, either. 

No comments: