Monday, December 16, 2013

A lot of snowmen were injured in the making of this party . . .

 I mean heaven knows we tried. Shame on those moms who blog recipes and make things look so easy when in reality they're just not.  Help a mother out!  Either make an easy to follow, step-by-step recipe or just goop it up and do a Gwyneth Paltrow photo essay about how great you are. But you can't have it both ways. I mean cake pops do not seem like rocket science, but when you are tearing apart a perfectly good rectangular cake with your bare hands and smooshing it into icing so that it will become a ball, the doubts start to pour over you like a cold sweat. Also if you don't use bleach or some other awfully artificial ingredient to make a white snow-like icing, your next best bet is white chocolate. Our white chocolate, and it could be just us, looked a little on the yellow side once it was melted down. In the end, we had these very sticky little guys who looked like they had been made with yellow snow. The first batch came out sticky, but more or less, according to plan. The second batch wouldn't cooperate and F and I had one of our most nonsensical arguments ever as I had a panic attack about the guests arriving on time, which they did not, thank goodness, due to the impossibility of finding parking on a major Christmas shopping day during the weekend of the antique fair.

During the argument you could have heard me saying things like, "Why don't we ever think to do things like make carrot noses in advance??" And F countering, "How was I supposed to know that edible pens don't work on sticky chocolate?" These are things you shouldn't really say out loud, so they don't do very much damage marriage wise. After it was all over I just said sorry. And he asked why. And I said that I honestly didn't remember, but that he might have some sticky icing bits down his back. That kind of thing.

What time did you say it was? Was that the bell?
Darn you little creepy snowman heads. Stop staring at me!
The first batch was okay if you didn't try to remove them from the wax paper.
These are cute and only took three days (36 hours) to make!

Who am I? I don't even recognize myself. Seriously.

And so there we were. High as kites on a sugary wind.
Thank goodness for Francesca on my left there who I keep in my pocket at all times.
 In order to make lemonade out of our yellow colored snowman heads, we just dumped those decapitated bastards into a pan and I frantically smooshed chocolate chip faces into them as the time ticked down. NOBODY ate them. That was only partly because they tasted sickeningly sweet, but mostly because our super thick Italian hot chocolate was the star of the night and after we added the American fixings bar with M&Ms, marshmallows, Bailey's, and whipped cream no one could really think about eating anything else anyway.

Sometimes I relate a lot to this girl except I am claustrophobic and I can't swim.
I am bemused to find out that a couple of my  friends from the fancy gym really do talk about little else but the fancy gym. This is the third get-together post mortem and now I realize why they were so devastated when I said I was going to quit. It wasn't because they would never see me anymore, it was because I wouldn't fit in with them anymore or be relevant to them if I wasn't a part of it. When I think back on the whole experience I realize that it was so close to being a dream come true and such a massive disappointment at the same time. If I had had a boss who was encouraging me and friends who were coworkers that would have been a really rewarding sweet gig. I will feel really dismal if they do a Fit & The City part 3, campaign and all my female ex-colleagues get to wear slimming black instead of vomitacious beige and look like they don't want to stick pins in each other. But I mean it was always so stressful there and I could never really have enjoyed it very much with all those threats of being demoted and smooshed like a yellow snowman head constantly in the air.

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