Friday, September 27, 2013

Why in the world do we need to have staff meetings at the fancy gym every two weeks? Isn't there a law about not having staff meetings more than once a quarter? There should be. I attended the meeting with my back taped up because, in the end, thanks to Ricky's refusal to vacate the classroom on time, I did try to move the weight rack by myself and I tweaked my back. Ricky was not in attendance -- thank god. He didn't have to come because he sent his girlfriend. She said she would be the delegate and made the joke that our staff meetings can be like a meeting of the condominium and since she is there he doesn't have to be. Whatever. I didn't miss him.

Actual things that happened, at least to the extent that I could understand them (in Italian):

Boss: We are now going to go around and hear from you about how your courses are going in the here and now. And I do not want to hear 'I'm so psyched and I can't wait to get going this season.' I want to hear some constructive self criticism and honesty.
 Font of negativity girl: Well, I feel that as a whole the gym has less clients and worse energy than in other seasons. . . Don't other people feel this way, too?

Total silence.

Jock guy: I'd like to hear from Cheerleader girl who was filled with things to say in the locker room.
Cheerleader girl: Well, okay. If you insist. I would just like to say that I'm psyched and I can't wait to get going this season. (collective invisible eyeroll) I just love my job and working here blah blah blah.
Part owner of gym: I want to say that the blank blank form that we are using to track our own progress and self critique our performances has proved to be very useful and I think that it is a very important tool. . .
Shrewd player/kiss ass: I would like to jump on what the part owner just said by reitierating every word of it.
Me: Um well I would like to ask for your help. I am still fairly new and I re-entered this season ready to present the second phase of my method and I realize that it is more difficult material. I thought I would have the same students more or less as in the past, but most of them are brand new. Whereas last season my expert students came in the afternoon this year they are coming at night so I have had to make the afternoon and morning classes much easier for beginner students, but then I don't know what to do if an expert student comes during an easy class. Plus I have a ton of logistical issues like the direction I face on the stage. If I am vertical people complain they can't see my legs, but if I am horizontal then everybody turns in different directions and we end up on different legs. Today I tried to turn 45 degrees and I fell right off the stage. Anyway, I am sure you are all much more expert than me with dealing with these situations and I would love your help.

Total silence.

Boss: Well, okay then.

Boss: How did your written homework assignments go from last time?
Cheerleader girl: I have to say that I can't write. I don't like to express myself in writing. I wrote on nine pages and crumpled them up one by one. I just can't write.
Bikini lady: I don't like to speak or write. I can write beautifully, but only if I am pissed off or in love. My husband says I could write a book when I am feeling romantic, but I told him I can't because I am dedicating myself to the fancy gym.
At this point the part owner who is very pale turns beet red from the neck up and I count how many seconds it takes for his ears to descrease from scarlet to a shade of lighter pink. I worry he won't be able to stand after the meeting.

In other news, we got blamed for the lack of clients at the opening year party despite the fact that the real problems were the lack of advertising free food, the quantity of free food, and choosing the wrong date, our boss told us it was because we didn't empathically involve our clients enough to convince them to come.

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