Sunday, June 09, 2013

Fruit Party play by play
Bikini Lady
The first thing I had to do was change my shoes. I found out that the staff fashion show was first on the program and that the staff dance was the last thing at a quarter to midnight, but for some unfathomable reason Giacomo wanted us all there at seven. No worries about what to wear just jeans and the theme tee shirt that I managed to get one day earlier and one month later than everybody else. I decided to wear converse sneakers for the night,  because I knew that I would have to walk up and down the sloped lawns and catwalks shlepping heavy boxes or some other manual labor and running around before I could get the dance part over with. Cue bikini lady stepping out of the front door of the fancy gym wearing stilettos/tacchi alti a spillo 12 and making me look like a junior camp counselor who ended up at the grown up party by mistake. Feet on the dashboard, sneakers thrown into the backseat, I apologized to my feet and went to work. Welcome to Italy, people.

At the beginning I spent  a lot of time hiding from Stefania P who is the lady that gives out the shitty jobs.

Stefania P.
Instead I offered to be Nadia's makeup assistant for the girls in the fashion show. I just copied what she did and it worked out pretty well except for the liquid foundation that I got all over the tee shirt. When that was done I managed to squeeze myself some gym steppers next to the lighting truck along side a group with good stage side seats for a bit. Afterwards I checked in with some colleagues who assured me that they were not going to change into their costumes for ages, but I wanted to stretch and be prepared so I went backstage where transparent straw huts were arranged as changing areas. It was tits and ass cheeks everywhere, but between the threat of being thrown into the pool, exposing my thighs to the world, and having giant heavy pipes fall on my head I reached a level of calm surrender. I changed into the least sexy, most unflattering clothing items including a mock turtleneck white polyester top and hid behind the pool house with some professional dancers who were stretching out.

Oh yeah and here is a fun fact. While I was doing the makeup, Ginetta came and asked me to look under the stage stairs where there were pots of sand. Then Lisa explained to me that we had to each carry our metal pipe  and a bucket of sand on the stage at the beginning of the dance. We then had 40 seconds to shove the pipe into the sand bucket and grind it in until it stuck. After some shouting back and forth between Ricky and myself, don't worry that is just his way of answering my questions, I came to understand that we were to leave the pipes in the sand pots for the first half of the dance and just sway them back and forth and then pick them up for the second half. I'm glad I asked.

Included in the three hour program of entertainment were a dozen fashion shows including underwear and bathing suits and even a big bridal conclusion at the the end. There was a comic, a hip hop group, a contemporary group, and a singer. The MC was a stage and screen actress from our region and it was all very professional,. There was even a  fireworks display.

Right before the dance I realized that everyone else was wearing black socks. Ironically, I had just spent two day's salary on white and gray socks because I was always running out. Anyway, I was barefoot and even though it wasn't raining they had to keep mopping the stage because the black plastic covering was slick and slippery. Giacomo told me I had to go on barefoot. Then he told us all to put our hands in a circle and shout merda/shit three times for good luck. I have never felt so close to a group of people in my life. Anyway, then I grabbed my super heavy pot of sand and my unwieldy plumbing pipe and climbed up the steps to the stage where a video was being played of staff photos. Don't die of shock, but there was one of me and also the staff one that included me. That made me smile until Lisa grabbed my pole and told me that I was putting it into the pot upside down and we only had ten seconds left. She got it in.

The dance went fine, except for the hip hop part. A pipe missed falling on my bare foot, thanks Ricky, by a hair and then when I went to grab my sneakers and hoodie for the costume change somebody frantically blocked me because they wanted to give Pierpaolo his pants. I missed the cue and the first eight counts of the 32 for the big hip hop finish, but so did most people and you can't tell on the video. At the time, though, I thought I was the only one. Then when the whole thing was finished instead of just taking a bow and leaving, this zumba music came on and everybody spontaneously burst out into a dance everyone knew except me. I got through that one and then came gangnam style and ae se eu te puego  and people drifted in and out of groups. It was bizarre and uncomfortable, almost as uncomfortable as the fact that Ricky made Giacomo put him on a leash and walk him down the catwalk while grunting and making monkey noises. Very Eyes Wide Shut and Scientology and anything having to do with Tom Cruise . . you get my point.

If you look very closely during gangnam style you see that Giacomo gave me a big hug and it was a real hug and I thought that under the official party line facade and smarmy work smile there is a man with a heart in there. It was nice. Just as I was hiding a bikini under my jeans and third outfit dressy tee for my eventual baptism in the pool,  a message arrived on my cell phone from T who was home alone who had had high blood sugar earlier in the evening so F got me out of there before anyone noticed that they weren't going to be able to throw me in the pool. Here are my personal videos, but I'll put in the professional, and, sadly, sharper, videos as they arrive on their FB page.

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