Tuesday, May 28, 2013

The Ominous Email
The fancy gym sent out this ominous email this week. It was to everyone on staff, not just me. Paranoid much? You would be too, if you got this email:

"The company, the direction, the intersectorial group fancy gym, want to confront in the best way these last weeks of fit fiesta and the last part of the season. It will be an important period that weighs heavily on the future of all of us . . . Many of us are in the positive operative flow of the growth of the event, others are not able to interpret this historic phase that involves all of us. For this we ask you this very simple exercise of reciprocal support: we ask you in fact to send a simple message, your message, to the rest of the team, in such a ways as to share in the here and now, this thought, trusting in the power of support to help above all those who maybe unconsciously are emanating an annoying and dangerous negativity. We are all aware of the various difficulties, but the fancy gym can and therefore will do well to obtain the best for everyone. In order to do this the fancy gym wants to avail itself of proactive, responsible, positive people with the will to do well like, thank God, most of us are. We ask therefore that you express this thought of reciprocal encouragement and to send it by tomorrow. It will be surely a nice and useful exercise of shared emotion. You can respond directly or send it to (that awful woman who always talks down to you). Happy (Spring) Fiesta!"

I was not surprised to get a call from my friend the Argentinian  Zumba instructor who after this who read me some Kipling quote she had prepared in an angry and tremulous voice. She had opted out of the rehearsals for the big show after convincing me to do it. This did not sit well with me when I asked around and one or two of my coworkers told me that it was because she lived too far away. Didn't she know where she lived when we started rehearsals, I asked myself. Apparently this lack of faith in her makes me one of the fools Kipling was talking about in her carefully selected quotation about truth. She told me that since they only pay her sixty euro a week for two hours, including, I think, some toll money in there, she can't very well pay 100 euro to come in for all those extra hours in addition to the 500 euro she had to pay for training to be a Bokwa and Zumba instructor.  Shame on me for ever doubting her. She asked me to spread the truth about this at the next rehearsal so I figure it's cool if I write the truth here as well. I called Giusy in Rome to get her to edit my gem of a response which was a very earnest pair of sentences based on a true story. This lady came out of the pool in an ecstatic state and pulled the gym owner over to say that he had the best swim instructors on the planet. Even though none of that had anything to do with me and most of the swim instructors don't answer me when I wish them a good morning, I still felt very proud there for a second. Obviously, I left certain parts of that out in my final draft.

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