Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Rehearsals begin
When I received the generic text from the fancy gym alerting me that all employees who were interested in participating in the end of the year show should present themselves at nine at night on my day off, my initial reaction was to start inventing important reasons why I could not make it. Unfortunately, all the reasons would also be nails in my coffin in the future if they were thinking about not renewing my contract. I looked up some old footage of the event and found out that it is epic in scope and is used to thank the clients so if I didn't participate it would almost be rude. Plus I mentioned all of the dance schools I have attended on my CV/resume.


 I was so reluctant to go that I wore jeggings instead of sweats and converse instead of gym shoes and hoop earrings instead of studs. I can dance, but I might not was the vibe I was going for. My coworkers sat in a circle and I was, literally and physically, on the outside of the circle. I tried to ease my way into the circle but Pierpaolo and Ginetta played footsie in a way so that I was destined to be the outsider.

I was relieved that the dance was not Zumba themed for once, but some contemporary number based on I Momix.


We are not going to ever approximate Momix for many reasons one of which is that we didn't have flexible tubing, we had some kind of plumbing pipes, I think they are the kind you use for pumping what one of my coworkers called "black water" from your bathroom. Lovely. When Ginetta put her arm in there she got cement or asbestos powder stuck to her forearm and had to go wash it off. The music that our director, none other than the unitard wearing Jack LaLaine of the fancy gym, Ricky (pronounced Reekeee) is one hundred percent uncountable.



After I looked around and realized a circle had formed and I wasn't in it, I decided that this could be the best blog material ever. I mean it's not just that I don't fit in, it is that they had shifted on the floor so that they were literally making a tight circle that boxed me out.They wrote me down as a principal dancer only because I am from New York as none of them has ever seen me dance and I have about one hundred and one old dance injuries at this point. My face showed the terror when I learned that Ricky wants us to dance on top of the poles as the video will demonstrate. The poles are to be worn as sleeves by the men so that they form a square.

My boss' back went out immediately after the rehearsal and so I offered to show him my massage technique (new class idea!) and he offered afterwards to have his lawyer call me in the morning. That was his idea of a joke. I think.

 At one point, you will see a couple dancing a tango in the background. They are from the latin dancing class and they had to put up with our weird music. The latin dance couples tend to be old and look down a lot. When they look up they have this ecstatic look on their faces that creeps me out.



Does anyone else think this whole thing is so Freudian with the phallic imagery everywhere? If it didn't occur to you, it would have when you saw the four men who were there tackle each other and slap each others' butts a whole bunch of times. In the below video they were saying that Nicolas, my buff colleague who is constantly naked will have to support the large pole and that he will probably have to do it naked. It's all funny until you get home at midnight.

Other upsetting things are that rehearsals are three times a week for three weeks from nine to forever and that they have a tradition of throwing the new hires into the pool fully clothed after the final performance. When I said that I don't swim well, they just chuckled maliciously. Great.


i pali/the pole things
the troupe

Ricky and his BIG idea
Pierpaolo hanging himself with a huge rope. I feel you, brother.
The latin dancing couple in the background.
the square
Ginetta's mounting technique


We'll work on that.

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