Wednesday, March 07, 2012

Smoky the Bear and the White Rabbit

T had one of those moments we all had at her age where sugar cravings get the better of your good judgement, but she handled the whole thing so incredibly well. She and another girl went to a friend's house where at first she thought there was going to be an adult at home, but at the end there wasn't. They were all excited to make s'mores and the girl whose house it was said she was allowed to use the stove by herself (even though she knows this is not allowed at our house) and so they did. When I got a phone call from one of the other mom's who discovered what they had done and asked T about it, she immediately saw the error of her ways and apologized and wrote eloquent apology letters that she composed by herself to both of the other mothers. I am so thankful that she got this fire safety lesson the easy way instead of the hard way. On my part, I am going to make sure that I always know if she is going to be at a friend's house where there are not adults present. Crisis averted.

In other news, I am pretty sure that the head of the Olympia Club is also the White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland because short of having a pocket watch and a fuzzy tail, she is always disappearing and running around saying the Italian version of "I'm late, I'm late, I'm late" which is similar but has a lot more "cazzo/dicks" in it. I have no idea how to have a decent conversation with her, and the one opportunity I had was when she was half naked in the changing room and I completely panicked. I told her assistant that I might need to do a Michael Jackson at the Pepsi commercial and set my hair on fire, but she assured me there was probably a less painful way.

Why didn't you tell me? I feel like a total idiot because all you have to do is use the name of a song with the word "zumba" after it and ten thousand videos magically appear with all the easy choreography you could ever want. No more watching the MTV versions over and over again until I magically come up with ways to dilute them into repeating sequences that people without dance experience can do. And the students eat this stuff up so it is worth it I guess to have to count and memorize because it gives them a sense of control and mastery. Plus once they learn it, they can really work up a sweat. As long as you don't choose the choreography from one of the silver sneaker classes or small town YMCAs where there is very little actual moving of the lower body, that is. Some of those videos are very heartwarming, though. They make you want to cheer. Go Irma!

That's me in the background giving a "massage."

 People at the gyms have started paying me to give them private session massages despite the fact that I keep assuring them that I am not certified in massage and only know what I wish people would do to me. This week, after giving a massage for a whole hour I ran out of body parts and had to rub this signora's toes. Ironically, the only cure for the balled up muscles in your own fingers, hands, and neck after giving a massage is getting a massage.

Meanwhile this weekend is shaping up to be a logistical nightmare. Happy Gym wants me to pay 75 euros to become certified in rebounding which is the same as hopping on a mini trampoline. The course lasts eight hours! What??  I am pretty sure there are only two dozen things you can do on a trampoline and I think I have done them all. Then LIFE gym wants me to pay 95 euro to become certified in Pilates and work all weekend. I don't have any assurance from anyone that I will get new courses i.e. money from doing this and I also find that Pilates hurts my hips, knees and back. In Italy lots of people who enjoy lying down take these classes in the hopes that it will make them skinny, but I am pretty sure that even if it increases their flexibility or betters their posture they have burned about 3 calories by the time it is over. Anyway, both of these options are a problem because I am supposed to both teach a 2 hour intensive class of Metamorfosi on Saturday morning and make it to a staff meeting at Club Olympia at 5 on the dot, and, even then, I am blowing off the staff dinner afterwards because I don't believe for a second that anyone will actually talk to me.

In the midst of everything F's mother fell down in California and broke her neck and needed a nine hour surgery to put her back together again. She is thinking about moving from her large and unwieldy house to a more manageable space with some on-site assistance, but there are many details to be looked into and lots of consulting and general stress involved on everyone's part. Among other decisions, she has made up her mind not to go anywhere without her deaf dog Sally and her grand piano. Amen.

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