Sunday, March 11, 2012

Lady & the Tramp, pt. 2

Despite the fact that today is Sunday, I and four of my fellow instructors, well one of them was either sick or pretended to be sick so she didn't have to jump, spent four more hours learning the theory behind jumping up and down on the trampoline. We learned about gravity and the force of 1G. In practice, you have to push your legs down harder than you would want to and bend forward a bit. Here are the figures you need to know: Rebounding is 68% more efficient than jogging; it is 78% lower impact than jumping on the floor; you can burn 405 calories in a half hour, and it takes only one really large jump backwards if you want to crack your head open.

 My favorite moment was when the instructor named Roberto defined shkip (skip in Napolitano) for me in English. Shkip means joog. What? Shkip mean jug. What? Shkip means to, you know, jog. Oh! Gotcha. Then we had to take turns teaching the basic steps to our fellow instructors which included the following fabulous classic moves in no particular order: the basic out, the basic in, the shkip, the twist, the forward, the straddle, un quarto di giri (quarter turn), the military press, the jumping jack, the slalom, the sci/ski, and the sprint. Dude, I just saved you six hours and 75 euro. Also there was a slide show with cartoons. My favorites were the happy cell who had just been exercised and the phallic looking illustrations of your arterial valves which had traffic signs in them. At one point during the slide show there was a photo of a drunk girl in London riding ass down in a shopping cart because, a quanto pare, the trampoline is an excellent cure for a hangover. I kid you not.

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