Thursday, February 23, 2012

Oh my stelle!

Yesterday my friend Laura the erborista came by so that I could translate her horoscope into Italian for her. She also had her friend Michel do my chart and it comes with a forecast of the year to come. We had F's homemade mushroom ravioli that I helped assemble. It was delicious. I have to say that mine was fairly personal to me and very different than Laura's so I am trying not to peek to close at the forecasts because it is a downer when any source tells you the next couple of weeks are going to suck. It is hard to understand the text if you don't know how to read the accompanying star charts, but here is a sample:

Predictions
Specific Characterstics
You will be a person of kind and attractive nature, amiable disposition and generous character. You will have a social standing and may have some success in artistic field. You will have many friends, will be fond of pleasures and will have keen interest for personal decoration. You will possess a fertile imagination and piercing intellect. You will be fond of travel and lover of learning. You will be loquacious and will earn a living by the use of the pen: a correspondent, contributor, author or a writer. You may have a lashing tongue for which people may have mixed feelings for you. 
(GASP) With your writings too, you may become controversial. You will have a love of romance, travel and adventure.

Physical Attributes
(YIKES!)
According to your Horoscope, you will have a rounded, top-heavy fleshy body with wide chest, broad forehead, full face with pendulous cheeks and grey eyes. In mature age, you may have a double chin. Your limbs are comparatively short and your walk as such is likely to be swaying and laborious
 

General State of Health
Your zodiacal sign rules over the bones, skin and the knees. Thus, you are prone to rheumatism, arthritis and skin-complaints. Overwork is the very first thing that could strike the blow on your health if you don't take adequate rest or skip exercises.
(MAKE UP YOUR MIND, PEOPLE.)


Marriage and Married Life
Your chart indicates that you will be married at normal age-period. In your chart the Ascendant-lord and the 7th-lord are in Quintile aspect. This indicates a favourable and lasting relationship. Both the partners will have concern and considerations for each other. Mutual love and affection will keep you cheerful and in spirit. You will have a happy family-life.
(AWWW.)



Lucky Stone (YAY!)
Among auspicious gemstones DIAMOND (Heera) will be favourable for you. You may take 1/4 to 1/2 Ratti of Diamond in a ring of Gold or Platinum which should be worn on right hand ring finger on a Friday.
(UM, OKAY.)


Daridra Yoga
This is an unfortunate combination. You may not have been born in favourable circumstances and you may have to struggle hard to push your way through life. You may have some financial difficulties and run into debts. You should stay away from speculations altogether. Certain fortunate combinations if present in your chart could offset and considerably modify the results of this adverse yoga.


I was buying into everything until the readings start to get more and more complicated. I dare you to explain to me what this means: 

Lord of 10th House
In your chart, the tenth-lord is situated in the twelfth house, which is called the house of expenses (Vyaya). Your career may have some connection with jail/ custody houses, asylums, hospitals, footwear, bedding materials, prophylactics, etc or you might be engaged in investigative jobs. If your Ascendant is Taurus, then your 10th-lord will be debilitated in the 12th for which may make you unhappy as you may not be fortunate in respect of your profession. Since the 12th is the 3rd from the 10th, you may have a transferable job or may have a few job-changes -- more so if the 10th-lord is in a movable sign (Aries or Cancer or Libra or Capricorn); you may have to go to distant and inconvenient places and live there for long -- more so if a natural malefic planet is situated in the 12th or aspects it.


This spooked me
Lord of 4th House
In your chart, the fourth-lord is situated in the eighth house, which is called the house of longevity (Ayus). You must need to be specially careful when you will be crossing over the bridges or will remain on or over the surface of large watery bodies like lakes, rivers, etc -- more so if you are a male person. This position is never good as chances of drowning is feared -- which may even lead to tragic death prematurely.

Which was counteracted by this: 

Since Venus is situated in your 8th house, you will be fortunate in many respects. Your spouse will hail from a family of status and your family-life will be joyous, cheerful, happy and endowed with abundance. You will remain in good health, won't need any major surgical treatment, won't have to face any accidental mishap, remain free from pestering problems and won't need to fight any law-suit. If your Ascendant is either Libra or Pisces, then you will enjoy the beneficial results of 'Veepareeta Raja Yoga' as you will become suddenly rich in a spectacular way. Your longevity will be very good and even your final 'exit' will be in a luxurious place, in a comfortable environment among your family, relatives or friends, with a little or no suffering.

But then I kind of gave up when I read:
Your married life will be more or less very good. You will normally get a responsible and loving wife. At the same time the health of the spouse will be cause of concern for you. Your wife will be having problems of acidity or uterus disorder.

1 comment:

Laurence said...

Much as I love you, I have to say that of all the idiotic things there are to believe in in this world, astrology is by far the stupidest. It makes homeopathy look almost plausible in comparison, and homeopathy is absolute bunk, which has done vast harm to the fools who prefer to treat themselves with water rather than seeing a doctor.

There is nothing in the world that has been so thoroughly and completely debunked as astrology, and even the slightest bit of thought about the subject should be enough for anyone to realize how insane it is.

Sure, sure, the deep emotive insight of the astrologist is no doubt very profound. But if that's what you're looking for, there is no need to cloak it in anti-scientific ritualistic bullshit. Fortune cookies are a better investment in the future, because at least you get to eat them.