Thursday, December 22, 2011

High School: A long series of mistakes
1. I had a triple espresso at the crack of crack this morning which later gave me dry mouth, dehydration and a serious case of the jitters.
The stronzo in the middle holding the plaque is who I'm talking about.
2. I arrived on time to the freezing cold, drafty castle of a high school known as the Istituto Civitali. When oh when will I learn that Italians are always always late?
2,5. We had to go on third which meant waiting for way over half an hour in the icy anticamera.
2,75. I had to pee and my drawstring got knotted, forcing me to do a Houdini like maneuver in the bagno not recommended for people my age.
3. I changed the routine to make it go with the music, thus making my colleagues really mad at me.
4. They had an animator MC guy who entertained the mostly female audience between numbers, thus making this fifteen minute routine go on for, I kid you not, more than four hours.
5. The Samurai karate guy who had slapped me across the face during a free class we took with T four years ago was there.
6. He thought the dirty looks I were giving him were a kind of romantic overture.
7. He caught on and asked me why I was giving him that "face."
8. I told him why.
9. He smiled and slapped me lightly.
10. I slapped him back. Not so lightly.
11. He apologized.
12. I did not accept his apology.
13. My colleagues forgot to tell me we were alternating turns on the punching bag.
14. We were supposed to step up on the ledge of the punching bag to give the top of it an elbow slam.
15. Due to my lack of comprehension, I kept popping over that thing like a drunk, overly caffeinated, cuckoo clock.
16. Zumba was canceled due to the large number of Zumba people from other gyms.
17. Zumba was un-canceled and I kind of blacked out after that.
18. I gave the Samurai guy my special NY handshake and wished him a happy Christmas.
19. I forgot to say goodbye to my boss, thus erasing all good will of the season.
20. She gave me a hurt and offended look, but it was too late to turn back.
21. I looked over my shoulder at the Samurai guy and said, "Now, we're even."

This has nothing to do with anything. Welcome to my life.

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